How to Know You Might Be a Sloth

     Recently I was looking up sloth facts, as we all do at some time each day, and as I found myself internally saying "me too" to almost every fact I came across, I came to a strange realization; I am a sloth. At first I resisted and tried to tell myself I was a cooler animal like a monkey, penguin, or a bear, but I eventually embraced my inner sloth. Now I'm here to say that if you're a sloth, it's okay, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But if you're not quite sure what it takes to be a sloth, read this list of how I'm like a sloth and see just how many times you say, "Me too."

You Might Be a Sloth if You...

...Move Slowly
     Sloths only move about a foot per minute when not in danger. I prefer 0 feet per minute when I can.
...Like Climbing
     Sloths are arboreal so they live in trees. I don't, but I enjoy climbing trees for fun.
...Are Somewhat of a Loner
     Sloths are solitary creatures who only gather to mate. I suppose this is true of many introverts like myself.
...Have a Reputation For Being Super Lazy, But You're Really Just Kind Of Lazy
     Sloths are known for sleeping 15-20 hours a day, but really only sleep for about 10 hours a day. And that's only me on Saturdays... and a few week days...
...Like To Poop in The Same Place
     Sloths do this for mating and tree fertilization. Most of us just like the comfort of our home toilet.
...Don't Shower That Much
     Sloths let algae grow on them for camouflage against predators. When I do that it's usually by accident.
...Stay Up Late
     Sloths are nocturnal. Forget about night owls, I'm a night sloth.
...Forget to Trim Fingernails
     Sloths have claws up to 4 inches long. In my defense, finger nail clippers are hard to keep track of.
...Have a Firm Handshake
     Sloths have a great grip and can remain clenching a tree even after they die... Well I can grip things too.

     These are all the reasons I'm like a sloth. Along with the fact that my name (Seth) shares most of the letters of the word sloth, I can't help but wonder if I really am a sloth. If you answered "Me too," to several of those examples then you might be a sloth too! If so, let me know and tell me of any other reasons why you think that. Please leave a comment below or contact me here:  Facebook.com/freewayparade Twitter: @freewayparade