The Top 1 Way You Can Tell That Your Numbered List Blogs Are Too Short

1. You don't have enough content.








Do you agree with this list? Comment bellow or follow me on twitter @freewayparade or at facebook.com/freewayparade

5 Chandler Jokes That Didn't Quite Land

     I watch a lot of Friends and would consider it to be one of the greatest shows of all time, and a lot of people who also enjoy it would agree that without Chandler, the show just wouldn't be as good. However, Chandler made so many jokes throughout the 10 years that the show lasted that he was bound to have a few dud's. Here is my list of the 5 that didn't quite land.


1) "Get up"

     Chandler goes to the bathroom and comes back to find Joey sitting in his chair. After a few attempts to get Joey to move, Chandler resorts to telling Joey about the song he wrote called "Get up." This joke came out of no where, was set up by Chandler himself, and really didn't have a punch line.


2) "Hey, Kicky"

     Joey and Chandler are sleeping together on the couch when Joey starts kicking his legs trying to get comfortable. Chandler looks at Joey and says "Hey, Kicky!" I don't need to explain why this isn't that funny because Chandler basically just saw what Joey was doing and put a Y at the end of it.


3) "MY SHOE"

     Joey stumbles upon keys to someones Porsche and takes Monica's suggestion to put them in the lost and found where he finds his shoe. He then decides to leave a note on the Porsche letting him know. Chandler, making fun of the thought of anyone forgetting a shoe at a coffee shop, says to Joey, "When he comes back for his keys I'll be sure to give him your shoe."
Joey replies "Great thanks." because he didn't catch on to the joke, but can you blame him? Why would Chandler give a stranger a shoe? It just makes no sense.


4) "I'm in a tree"

     Joey finds out that Chandler got drunk and fooled around with his sister and instead of getting mad, Joey loves the idea. Joey gives him a hug and says, "You and my sister sittin' in a tree." to which Chandler replies, "Yep, I'm in a tree."
     It's possible that this one is deeper than it appears. Perhaps he was making some sort of subtle joke about hanging himself, but if that's true then it deserves to be on this list for being too subtle.


5) "Westminster Crabby

     At the Westminster Abbey.
     Joey- What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
     Chandler- I think it's great. You know they're thinking of changing the name of this place.
     Joey- Really? To what?
     Chandler- To "put the camera away."

     This joke really has nothing to it. He set himself up for a joke that didn't make any sense, and if Joey wouldn't have come back with "Man, you are Westminster crabby." then the scene probably just should have been scrapped.

     Like I said, I love Chandler. And with all the jokes he makes, five dud's really isn't that bad. In fact, he probably has a better good/bad joke ratio than most of us. And there's always a chance that some of these jokes were great in their day, but just don't translate now a days.

Bonus:

    A few weeks after I wrote this I was reminded of one of the bad Chandler jokes that I had had written down, but forgot about until now.

     Chandler obviously wants to talk about Ross and Rachel, but can't find a window, so he attempts to create one with this train-wreck of a joke when Ross arrives with a pizza.

     Did I miss any bad Chandler jokes? Do you agree with the list? Do you like chimichangas? Comment bellow, on my facebook page at Facebook.com/freewayparade or tweet me @freewayparade.

The Best and Worst American Ninja Warrior Moments of 2014

     Ninja warrior has been one of my favorite shows since before it even came to America, so I wanted to do a list of my favorite moments from this season.

Kacy Catanzaro:

     I'm choosing to start the list with Catanzaro's run because quite frankly, everyone has heard of  this one already. I'm not going to give her credit for being the first woman to scale the warped wall, because if the show would have come to her town last, she would have been the third to do it, behind Michelle Warnky and Meagan Martin. I'm more impressed by her size. Being small did help her on the arm-based obstacles, but at 5'0", climbing that wall is a huge feat and is worth mentioning. And the fact that she made it to mount midoriama really raised the standards for future female competitors.

     Watch her run in the finals here:

Or Click Here

Flip Rodriguez:

     Flip Rodriguez and Drew Dreschel have had a friendly rivalry for years. In season 4 Flip completed the qualifying and final rounds with the fastest times and Dreschel got second on both. The next year Dreschel got the best times and Flip got second.

     This along with a disappointing fall last year, meant it was Flips year to prove something. In a disappointing turn of events, Flip miscalculated how high he was above the water and that was the end of his ANW year.

     Watch his run here:

                                        

Or Click Here

Kevin Bull:

     Cannonball Alley was a new obstacle with an elimination rate of 100%, taking out 14 competitors before him. It was proving to be the most difficult obstacle this competition had ever seen.

     Just when it seemed that this course was unbeatable, Kevin Bull, a walk on from this year, used his brains instead if just strength, using his legs on a primarily arm-based obstacle.

     Watch his incredible and innovative run here:

Or Click Here

Joe Moravsky:

     Also known as the Weatherman, Joe Moravsky, on only his second year, has become one of the favorites of American Ninja Warrior. If he wasn't in your favorites before, wait until you see this run, where Moravsky breaks the rumbling dice, makes an incredible early dismount, and still dominates the course by beating the fastest time by over 40 seconds.

     Watch his run here:

Or Click Here

Drew Dreschel:

     After proving himself faster than his rival Flip Rodriguez for two years in a row, veteran Drew Dreschel was beginning to become more and more confident. Drew went so far as to call that his run would be between 1 min 30 sec and 1 min 45 sec, with the fastest time before him being 4 min 15 sec.

     With his eye on the prize, Dreschel couldn't quite focus on the course right in front of him and missed a crucial grab only ten seconds into his run.

     Watch this devastating moment here:

Or Click Here

Jon Stewart:

     At 52 years old, Jon Stewart had become the second oldest man to reach the final round. Unfortunately, though he qualified, he had never conquered the warped wall.

     After two tries, it seemed like he was about to repeat the past. But he shattered the age barrier and reached the top on his final try.

     The rest of his run is absolutely incredible. Watch it right here:

Or Click Here

USA vs the World

    As great as the season was, many of the greatest moments happened during the second annual international competition.

     The night started off strong with Joe Moravsky clocking in the fastest stage one run of all time, beating Brent Steffenson's run of 1:14 by 2 seconds. The victory was short lived when ANW veteran now playing for Europe, Tim Sheiff completed the same course ten seconds faster just minutes later.

     Stage two was proving difficult for those who attempted, but three runs stood out. One was Brian Arnold, who, after a record breaking season five, slipped up on stage two on season six, taking away his chance at stage three which he had trained so hard for. This time however, he managed to take out his nemesis the unstable bridge, complete enough of the course to earn points for his team, and still finish the course.

     Another was Travis Rosen, who was able to prove age was just a number when the 40 year old defeated the metal swing which took him out in season six and the first international competition. Travis then completed the course with a time that would have qualified during a regular season competition.

     Last was Sean McColl. As a member of the European team, McColl had never competed on any ninja warrior obstacle and had to learn on stage two. McColl had an impressive run, heroically diving from the metal swing and finishing with an impressive time.

     Stage 3 was full of surprises. First was when Japanese competitor Yusuke Morimoto becomes the first competitor to ever complete stage three on American soil. Unfortunately for Japan, European Stefen Ghisolfi soon became the second, and with a faster time, knocking them out of the running to take first place. Unbelievably, a second Japanese competitor, Ryo Matachi, added his name to the list of stage three finishers.

     Team Europe was now in a great position, for Team USA to be victorious, they needed to do what they never had done before and complete stage three in under about five minutes, but if the round was taken by either of the other two teams, then Europe would take the gold. It was down to USA record holder Brian Arnold, and one of the top rock climbers in the world, Sean McColl.

       Just before Sean began, Arnold looked at the camera and rather nervously said "He's a world cup climber, he's one of the guy's that I watch for inspiration." But as promising as his run was, McColl slipped up on the last obstacle and fell almost exactly where Arnold had fallen a year before.
     Now, with his country relying on him, Arnold had to beat his current record and do something that had never been done by an American. The last few great moments can be seen below:

Or Click Here

Or Click Here


What were your favorite moments of this season? Let me know in a comment, on facebook at Facebook.com/freewayparade or on twitter @FreewayParade 

     

Problems With Writing Your Long Name

     My name is Seth Christopherson. No I do not have the longest name in the world, nor do I feel like I can even complain about it. I do, however, know the struggles that come with trying to write a long name in a given space that is less than spacious. Hopefully some of you will relate.
   

     The Cliff Diver

The underline can be helpful in keeping your name well aligned. But when it ends too soon... chaos...

     The Extension

Sometimes you need to manually add an extra inch of underline which really seems to help, but it can't save you every time.

     The Crash

Other times you need to write your name too close to the wall to add an extender. And when that happens, I know I already said chaos once before, but... chaos again...

     The "I Have No Last Name"

So you decide that you will just deny your name all together. Seems like a good plan. Until your teacher hands back your paper with a red pen correction saying, "Full names please, this isn't high school anymore." This happened to me once. Worst day of my life... not really, I just didn't want to have to say chaos again.

     The Microscopic

Now with no other option you decide that since the line can't be bigger, you must write smaller. Now you're unhappy, whoever reads it is unhappy, it's the perfect plan.

     The Lack of Patience

With all this chaos around you, you decide to unwind by drawing your name in an interesting font. Unfortunately this is only relaxing for a short while, and you with your incredibly long name get bored halfway through and the quality suffers.

     The "Cross Your What?"

So there you are signing some documents in cursive, the whole time remembering to cross your T's and dot your I's at the end. But your name is so long that you become anxious, and after your pen is lifted from the last letter you decide to shave off some time by quickly crossing and dotting, and in doing so you hit the wrong points on both. (For me I always find a way to cross my H)

     The "Good Enough"

You give it one more shot. This time the goal is to write as fast as possible. The first name is a cinch, but as you get half-way through the last name, you stumble, one letter becomes illegible and the only way out is to give up there, make the rest just a line, and act like it was on purpose. And after all that you're left with something that actually looks pretty non-chaotic.

     If you have any long name stories, if you or a friend have an incredibly long name, or if you just want to say hi, connect with me at Facebook.com/freewayparade or on Twitter @Freewayparade. 

Fun Games for When You're... (#2: Car Edition)

     There are many titles that define me, one of which stems back as long as I can remember.I have always been known as a thinker. I often get so lost in my own head that I actually forget what's going on around me or even where I am.

    There are two times when I get lost in thought deeper than any other time; in the shower and while I'm driving. In the shower is when I think my serious thoughts. This is when I win imaginary arguments or get my life in order.

     My driving thoughts are another story. I use driving as a time to think of fun things, like ideas for future projects, which is why a lot of video ideas, blog posts, and song lyrics I think up are usually car themed.

    I often get bored driving and make up games to play on the road. Here are a few that I can recall in part 2 of a blog I call "Fun Games for When You're,.."


...At a Stoplight

     The Set Up:
     This game is a game played at any stop light (or in traffic) with at least one car behind you. When you stop at the light, the common idea for most drivers is that you must always be moving. Since it's not legal for them to move at the speed they want, they almost certainly will take any chance they can get to inch their way forward. When this happens, instead of following the herd and inching as well, stay put and let some space open up between you and the car ahead of you.
     The Object:
     Now that you have some space, slowly inch your way forward. The goal is to drive so slowly that the person behind you can't even tell you're moving. Once the car behind you drives up and fills the space, you lose. This game can't be scored, but you will find yourself saying things like "whoa I got so far that time" instead of the actual number of feet or inches.

...Coming Up to an Overpass.

     The Set Up:
     While on any trip using freeways or interstates, you will inevitably find yourself driving just below an overpass as cars drive over you. For this game to work you must be driving at a normal pace with a steady flow of cars on the perpendicular road, which can prove to be more difficult to find than it sounds.
     The Object:
      When the set up is finally perfect for the game to work, one player in the car will yell "Overpass" and everyone will guess from as far away as possible which car your car will pass directly under. Whoever is correct wins, and if two people guess the same car, the tie goes to the person who pointed out the car first.

...Passing a Semi.

     The Set Up:
     For this game you must be on a road where it is likely to that you will pass a semi truck and you must be a passenger on the opposite side of the driver.
     The Object:
     This is probably the simplest game on the list, but one day I realized that if you look at a truck driver, they always look back at you. Not only that but if you nod to a truck driver, they almost always nod back. The goal of this game is simply to see how many truck driver nods you can get in one trip.
   
...Pulling Into the Garage

     The Set Up:
     All you need is a remote controlled garage door opener and a car with an antenna on the front side.
     The Object:
     When pulling up to the garage, press the button to open the door. As the door opens, try to touch the antenna to the rising garage door. As you get better, you will begin to be able to make contact lower and lower on the antenna. The point of this game is to beat your own personal bests and reach the lowest point on the antenna as possible. This can be measured by the little rings that circle up and down the antenna.

...Around Several Other Cars

     The Set Up:

     When driving, make sure to pay attention to as many license plates as possible.

     The Object:

     Find a license plate with letters spelling a word, or something like a word and create a sentence about that car. For instance, if the plate said 29 HAT you could say "hey, there are 29 hats in that car. This game is only fun if you are very bored or very weird. And you need a partner or else you will feel even weirder.

...Feeling Creative

     These games have kept me very entertained on the many long car trips I take, but the majority of what entertains me in the car isn't games at all. Instead it's simply the patterns I notice for my particular trip. When I see a building I've grown to love, I cheer. When I see a building I hate, I "boo". Sometimes I see a sign with a town name on it and I make it into a real name or I bring up to my passenger one of the many inside jokes that each landmark reminds me of. So the secret is to create games that cater to you and your trip.

     Thanks for reading, leave a comment about your favorite car game or let me know at Facebook.com/freewayparade. Follow me on twitter @freewayparade or @sethparade.

(This blog is dedicated to my little sister and driving buddy, Lindsay)

How to Convert Your Friends From Liking Country Music to Liking Heavy Music

     We all have those friends. Great people, a blast to hang out with, but something’s missing, and that thing is that you like heavy music and they like country music. For most people, this realization is when they would give up on the friendship. Suddenly you and your friend are just too different. Have ever there been two more different genres? Sure they have a similar set-up of instruments, but what they do with those instruments are worlds apart.

     What if you didn't have to shun that friend? What if you didn't have to break up with that significant other? I’m here to tell you that there is hope, a way to ease your friends into metal and metal-like genres without turning them away. Here is the step by step tutorial that shows you exactly how.
     Let’s assume that this is a worst case scenario and say that this person is into the country-est of country. We’re talking slow country ballads, dogs dying, BBQ stains, the whole nine yards. Here’s when you suggest to them that they should listen to Taylor Swift. Now Taylor Swift is wildly popular and odds are this person already has an opinion formed about her. Still it is crucial that you listen to her so find a way to make it happen. Once they agree, start ‘em of with some “You Belong with Me” so as not to overwhelm them. Once they are fans, show them “I Knew You Were Trouble” which’s shows a more upbeat pop-rock side of Swift. Follow that with, “Both of Us” which should introduce some rap.
     At this point in the process you may add some extra miscellaneous rap to heighten their feelings toward rap a little more.
     Once rap is accepted, open them up to the magical world of Linkin Park, preferably their old stuff because it has more of what we need, and its better in my opinion. Start them off with some softer songs like “In the End” which should keep them intrigued with their new found love of rap.
     This next part is undoubtedly the most difficult part of the transition, introducing the participant to the scream, but fear not, for we have prepared for this moment since the beginning of the process. They already like Linkin Park, and depending on how slowly you've been taking it, they may have formed a bond with this band. This is good, and if they haven’t heard them already introduce your subject to an LP song with rapping as well as screaming. They will surely cringe and possibly want to turn the song off, but they will see the musical potential in it because it’s in a band they already like.
     Linkin Park is good, not only for linkin’ rap with screaming, but also for using a DJ to ease you into more electronic music. At this moment it would be beneficial to show your friend a techno song or two. If they like that, show them dubstep. Dubstep is a good add to the list because it is said to be the heavier version of techno and sort of acts as the link between techno and metal.
     For the next chapter in this adventure you won’t necessarily have to continually show them screaming songs, but rather keep them into rock-like genres to set a checkpoint and avoid a relapse back into the abyss of country music. Scrolling from top to bottom in my personal mp3 player, here are some bands I suggest: Armor for Sleep, Blindside, Blue October, Brand New, Forever the Sickest Kids, Karnivool, My Chemical Romance, Red, and The Used. Every few bands it’s good to throw in a few screaming songs to get them used to it.
     Now it is important to take into consideration the sing/scream ratio, the amount of singing compared to the amount of screaming. You are going to want to start your subject off with a band with little screaming and gradually build. For instance, my list would start off with These Hearts, The Color Morale, Peirce the Veil, and Dayseeker, which are all bands who either sing more than they scream, or have several soft moments that are able to be sung with.
     Two bands who have always baffled me in their ability to acquire followers outside of their genre are Memphis May Fire and The Devil Wears Prada. I’m working on trying to convert one of my friends right now, and she hated all screaming, but randomly really liked Memphis May Fire, and a lot of my friends who don’t even like heavy music like TDWP. So try these two out near the middle-end of your journey and see what happens because it might surprise you.
    Now is the time when our planning ahead comes into play. Remember earlier when we showed the person techno and dubstep? Now in the back of their mind, they secretly like the two and you have the opportunity to show them dubstep-metal like the Browning or metal with synth parts like Attack Attack, We Came as Romans, or At the Skylines.
     Once they like these bands, you are basically finished. But here are some bands that can keep them from relapsing: A Plea for Purging, August Burns Red, A Bullet for a Pretty Boy, Erra, For Today, The Great Commission, Greeley Estates, In The Midst Of Lions, Oh Sleeper, MyChildren MyBride, Impending Doom, Texas In July, Gideon, and Your Memorial.


Recap:
1. Bad Country
2. Taylor Swift (You Belong With Me, I Knew You Were Trouble, Both Of Us, in that order)
3. Linkin Park (In The End followed by more soft songs and eventually their screaming songs)
4. Techno and Dubstep
5. Rock(ish) bands (Armor for Sleep, Blindside, Blue October, Brand New, Forever the Sickest Kids, Karnivool, My Chemical Romance, Red, and The Used)
6. Bands with a sing-heavy sing/scream ratio (with These Hearts, The Color Morale, Peirce the Veil, and Dayseeker)
7. Memphis May Fire and The Devil Wears Prada (optional)
8. Dubstep/synth metal (The Browning, Attack Attack, We Came as Romans, At the Skylines)
9. Lock it in ( A Plea for Purging, August Burns Red, A Bullet for a Pretty Boy, Erra, For Today, The Great Commission, Greeley Estates, In The Midst Of Lions, Oh Sleeper, MyChildren MyBride, Impending Doom, Texas In July, Gideon, and Your Memorial.)
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Tell me what you think of this list! If you have any suggestions about the list or success stories I would love to hear them! Comment or tell me about them at https://www.facebook.com/Freewayparade or tweet them to @FreewayParade!
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(This list is dedicated to my friend and current test subject Lyss, who is coming a long way on her journey from country to Metal)

Very Specific Jokes (Skyrim)

A joke for people who like to play Skyrim for the Xbox 360:

I was walking near Winterhold when I came to a very tall mountain. Lydia turned to me and asked, “why do we not just go around it?”
I replied, “ Here is your problem, Lydia, you look at mountains and ask “Why not,” I look at mountains and say “Y! Y! Y! Y! Y! Y!"