Elephant Sandwich: What it's Like to be an Organized Mess

     Do you find yourself taking on more projects than you can handle? Do you collect things that you should have never bought in the first place? Do you attempt to write a blog about taking on too many tasks, realize how many there are, get overwhelmed, and then quit blogging all together for 433 days because of it? If so, you might be an organized mess like me, meaning you and I should be friends. I'd say we should hang out, but I probably won't find the time. If you're still not sure what an organized mess is, here's what it looks like on a day-to-day basis:

     Cleaning:
     I clean my room every Sunday and by Thursday everything is back on the floor, in the same spots and everything! It's almost like the mess knows where it wants to be and who am I to deny it that?

     Weirdly Organized:
     Everything in my room is in a weird place, but I know where it all is. It doesn't look the best, but it's there when I need it. That's why I have a flashlight in my nightstand and another in my dresser, five pairs of scissors scattered throughout my 10' by 10' room, and in case I need it, a nerf gun behind my chair and another velcro-ed to the back of my night stand. Oops, I may have just lost the element of surprise, I was just kidding about the second nerf gun.

     Animal Crossing is a Puzzle Game:

     Oh you thought Animal Crossing was a cute community simulation game about decorating your house, paying off loans, and chatting with animals? Well you are wrong, it is a very difficult puzzle game wherein you upgrade your house for the purpose of filling it with every possible item in the entire game so that every object can still be used for its intended purpose. The game is won, when you have so much stuff in your house that your friends don't want a tour.

     Over-packing:
     If I go on an overnight trip I bring enough clothes for 3 days. If I'm walking to Subway I'll bring a backpack with 3 liters of water, survival tools, throwing knives, and a frisbee. You know, in case the
world ends on my way back.

Apps:

     I have over 300 apps on my phone and to be honest, I need every one! Sure it might be hard to find the right one in a hurry, but some day I'm gonna need one or two... or seven morse code trainer apps and on that day, I'll be glad I kept them.

     Clothing:
     I have two older brothers, if I wanted to I could use the hand-me-downs I've gotten over the years and never buy clothes again. But then I wouldn't have my own style and where's the fun in that? So I buy my own clothes and still take some hand-me-downs, but this is dangerous for a person like me who attaches a memory to every piece of fabric in existence so I end up with mountains of pants and shirts that barely fit me as far as the eyes can see. I would probably say that an abundance of clothes is the root of most of my space issues. Goodwill is a good option. If that doesn't work for you, try making your shirts into a quilt.

     Keys:

     I'm not proud of this, but I'm addicted to keychains. So much so that my keys got so big and heavy that I had to call it quits and start a new keychain. This new set of keys has only acquired about 3 keychains, which is manageable. It doesn't help, however, that I sometimes make my own keychains and have a drawer full of keychain parts in my room..

     Hobbies:
     I have loved hobbies for years. Since I was young and first started drawing, to a couple years ago when I decided to start selling crocheted items on etsy. From learning Japanese to slacklining. From knife throwing to writing blogs that I expect no one to read. If its a waste of time that I lose money doing, I'm probably doing it already.

     Projects:
     As of right now I have dozens of half-written songs  on 3 CD's that I've already named; I'm trying to write a sequel to a novel I wrote in high school, but I keep getting side tracked and writing four completely different novels; I want to start a band, but I'm too busy writing music for three different projects with my brother; and I want to focus on making shorts for my Youtube channel, but I keep losing focus by managing three other accounts and trying to write a sitcom.

     I think my problem is simple, I give myself too many projects and it's so hard to stay motivated that I don't do any of them. It's like when you come home from school and you have so much homework that you take a nap. Well you know what they say, how do you eat an elephant? You don't, eating a whole elephant sounds awful. Unless I could take off little pieces at a time and put them on bread with lettuce and tomato. In a way, finally sitting down and writing this blog is my E.L.T, my big bite of elephant that starts me on a path to finishing the whole thing. This is my elephant sandwich, what's yours?


Do you have an elephant sandwich that needs to be eaten? Do you like sandwiches at all? Are you a vegetarian? Wow, what's that like? Follow me at facebook.com/freewayparade or tweet me @freewayparade.

Sharing A Birthday With A Holiday And Why It's Awesome - But Also Equally Not Awesome

     November 26th isn't a date that automatically makes you think of a holiday, but 23 years ago it happened to fall on a Thursday, making this day, which just happens to be the day of my birth, also Thanksgiving Day. Because Thanksgiving is a Day-Based holiday, (as opposed to a Date-Based Holiday that always falls on the the same date) I've only shared my birthday with Turkey-Day 4 times in my life; 1992, 1998, 2009, and this year, 2015. This year, I realized how many perks come with a Holi-Birthday, but then I started to notice the flaws as well.


Perk: 
Something is Always Planned
     Fortunately, I have never been forgotten about on my birthday. However, since this is my first year away from my parents' house, a formal birthday party didn't magically set itself up like it used to. But, because of Thanksgiving, I was able to still see some of my family and get a free meal which is never a bad thing.

Flaw:
Something is Always Planned
     Unfortunately, you don't always want to spend your birthday the same way every year. Yes a birthday on Halloween might get you extra candy as a kid, but some days you just want to spend a birthday at home. For me, my birthday usually avoids the holiday, but often hits the sub-holidays around thanksgiving like Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year, or Thanksgiving Eve, the busiest traveling day of the year.

Perk:

Something is Always Planned (That You Don't Want To Go To)
     Sometimes you get invited to holiday parties that you really don't want to go to and can never get out of. Well what's a better excuse than, "I have other plans for my birthday"? You can even use this excuse to get your friends out of plans. This is a great reason to befriend someone with a holiday birthday.

Flaw:
Something is Always Planned (For Everyone Else)
     Sure a birthday is just a day, but there's something great about celebrating on the actual day instead of a few days later when everyone's free.
   
Perk:
People Are Happier
     With the exception of some minor holidays, people tend to get happier on holidays. Maybe it's because they get to see family, maybe they don't want to see family at all, but still pretend they're happy. Either way, everyone's smiling and that's always good to see on your birthday.

Flaw:
Combinations
     I'm sure anyone born on a gift giving holiday (or any day in December for that matter) will tell you that holiday combinations are one of the worst flaws of Holi-Birthdays. As you get older it doesn't seem to be as much of a bother, but as a kid, getting presents is one of the greatest things about being alive and really makes being born worth it! So it's a shame to see two presents become one... most of the time. Which brings me to my next point...

Perk:
Combinations (Sometimes)
     A lot of presents spread throughout the year can be great, and we all know that two is greater than one. But on a budget, two presents might not be anything special, and one big one could be something you actually want. I've had my fair share of Birthday/Christmas presents and often those are the ones I cherish the most.

Flaw:
Nothing Is Open
     At least on the big holidays, this one can be annoying if you want to buy something for yourself on your birthday.

Perk:
"Happy Birthday" Responses
     One thing I noticed this year is that it's usually much harder to respond to "happy birthday" when your birthday is just a birthday, especially for a person as prone to responding to every statement with "you too" as I am. But when your birthday is a holiday, you can simply wish them a happy holiday.
     "Happy Birthday!"
     "Thanks! And a happy Groundhog Day to you!"


     With all the flaws and perks that I mentioned, there are countless amounts more that are unique to each holiday-birthday. The only reason I wrote this blog post today is because my sister fell asleep after the thanksgiving meal (Flaw), but that caused me to be more productive (Perk). The great thing about having a birthday on thanksgiving is that it's a time when everyone remembers what they're thankful for, and that's never a bad mindset to have on your birthday no matter when it is.


     If you have any perks or flaws pertaining to your birthday, leave a comment bellow or on facebook at Facebook.com/freewayparade or on twitter @freewayparade. This blog is dedicated to my Aunt Cindy (born on Halloween) and my Dad (born the day after Christmas).

How to be Self-Helped-ed

Dollars
     One of the greatest feelings in life is that moment when you casually put your hands into your pockets and to your surprise there is money in there, even better when that money is a paper bill. Most people would jump for joy and then instantly find a space for it in their wallet, but I don't do this and neither should you. Instead what I do is take that dollar and put it right back into my pocket. Why? Because I put my hands in my pockets several times a day, which means several times a day I will also get the powerful feeling of finding a dollar in my pocket. I once did this with the same dollar for over 2 weeks and it made me happy every time I found it.

Knuckle Head
     As humans we all feel the need to vent when we are angry. But humans also have the ability to know that talking behind someones back doesn't always feel like the right thing to do. So if you find yourself venting and want to wean yourself off of it, try referring to the person only as a knucklehead. I've tried this and I ended up taking the conversation way less seriously making me way less mad at that person.

Bananas
     I have this saying: Never mix up hate and a bad experience. Let me explain, I used to hate bananas until I realized that I had only had one banana in my life. And if the odds of getting a lousy banana are 1 in anything then I can never be sure that I hate bananas. So any time I hate something, I always make a point to try it every few years just to make sure nothing has changed. Also I like bananas now.

Car Doodles
     Some people are great artists and some people can barely draw a stick figure. I'm not going to pretend I'm either of those. I'm right in the middle where if I spend a good amount of time on something I can draw something just below respectable. However, I found out by accident that all I need to do is draw in a moving car, because it hinders you, but not as much as people think it does. Then when you show people your drawings they'll think it's okay until you tell them you drew it in the car. After that your doodles will be works of art.


I hope these tips help you lead a happier life. If you enjoyed reading them or just want to tell me something that has nothing to do with anything, hit me up on twitter @freewayparade or at facebook.com/freewayparade .

Phrases That Sound The Same But Are Opposite In Meaning

     English can be a tricky language. Like all languages, it's hard to learn the basics, but becoming fluent can seem like a never ending battle. 

     I've been a native speaker my whole life, but I'm still finding myself misunderstanding others from time to time. It's true that a lot of our words sound similar, but some of these words have meanings that are almost as different as can be. Here's a list of a few words that you should watch out for.

*Warning: Freeway Parade is not responsible for anyone who reads these out loud under their breath to test them out resulting in freaking out bystanders who think you just talk to nobody.

1. Come in/Coming

     When someone knocks on your door you have two response options: "Come in" and "Coming". The former means "open the door" and the latter means "wait for me to open the door".

2. That's Too Bad/ That's Stupid

     I hear this one all the time. Someone's telling a story about something that bothers them and you comfort them saying "that's too bad" which tells them you care about their story. Unfortunately it sounds like "that's stupid" which can be taken as "that story is dumb and I don't care about it."

3. Sorry/That's Alright

     This happens to me way more than you would think. I'm walking in a crowded area and bump into someone. Of course I quickly say "sorry," but in a crowded (often noisy) room, "sorry" can sound like "that's alright," which is usually casually said like " 's-alright." This is pretty much the difference between "that was my bad" and "that was your bad." 

4. I'm Alright/MRI

     I once was playing around at a park when one of my friends fell and when I asked if he was ok he said "I'm alright." For a split second I heard "MRI." If you mixed these words up like I did, chances are, you wouldn't have time to scan their internal organs before they corrected you, but it's still very different from saying you're alright and that's all I'm looking for.

5. Out Of Tune/Autotuned

     For those of you unfamiliar, autotune is a device or software that tunes a persons vocals automatically. This means that the voice will sound in tune even if it wasn't recorded in tune to begin with. This makes the word "Autotune" pretty much the opposite of "out of tune" yet they sound extremely similar even in good listening conditions.

6. #% Off / #% Of

     I recently saw a sign in a store window that said, "30% off price on tag" Luckily I read it twice because I first read it as "30% OF price on tag." As similar as these sentences sound they are very different. Pretend you are looking to buy something that was 10 dollars. 30% OFF would make it down to 7 dollars, but 30% OF would be 3 dollars. So next time you are looking at sales, remember to count the F's.

Do you agree with this list? Can you think of any similar sounding opposites? Leave a comment below or on Twitter @freewayparade. And like us on Facebook at Facebook.com/freewayparade

How to Know You Might Be a Sloth

     Recently I was looking up sloth facts, as we all do at some time each day, and as I found myself internally saying "me too" to almost every fact I came across, I came to a strange realization; I am a sloth. At first I resisted and tried to tell myself I was a cooler animal like a monkey, penguin, or a bear, but I eventually embraced my inner sloth. Now I'm here to say that if you're a sloth, it's okay, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But if you're not quite sure what it takes to be a sloth, read this list of how I'm like a sloth and see just how many times you say, "Me too."

You Might Be a Sloth if You...

...Move Slowly
     Sloths only move about a foot per minute when not in danger. I prefer 0 feet per minute when I can.
...Like Climbing
     Sloths are arboreal so they live in trees. I don't, but I enjoy climbing trees for fun.
...Are Somewhat of a Loner
     Sloths are solitary creatures who only gather to mate. I suppose this is true of many introverts like myself.
...Have a Reputation For Being Super Lazy, But You're Really Just Kind Of Lazy
     Sloths are known for sleeping 15-20 hours a day, but really only sleep for about 10 hours a day. And that's only me on Saturdays... and a few week days...
...Like To Poop in The Same Place
     Sloths do this for mating and tree fertilization. Most of us just like the comfort of our home toilet.
...Don't Shower That Much
     Sloths let algae grow on them for camouflage against predators. When I do that it's usually by accident.
...Stay Up Late
     Sloths are nocturnal. Forget about night owls, I'm a night sloth.
...Forget to Trim Fingernails
     Sloths have claws up to 4 inches long. In my defense, finger nail clippers are hard to keep track of.
...Have a Firm Handshake
     Sloths have a great grip and can remain clenching a tree even after they die... Well I can grip things too.

     These are all the reasons I'm like a sloth. Along with the fact that my name (Seth) shares most of the letters of the word sloth, I can't help but wonder if I really am a sloth. If you answered "Me too," to several of those examples then you might be a sloth too! If so, let me know and tell me of any other reasons why you think that. Please leave a comment below or contact me here:  Facebook.com/freewayparade Twitter: @freewayparade

The Top 1 Way You Can Tell That Your Numbered List Blogs Are Too Short

1. You don't have enough content.








Do you agree with this list? Comment bellow or follow me on twitter @freewayparade or at facebook.com/freewayparade

5 Chandler Jokes That Didn't Quite Land

     I watch a lot of Friends and would consider it to be one of the greatest shows of all time, and a lot of people who also enjoy it would agree that without Chandler, the show just wouldn't be as good. However, Chandler made so many jokes throughout the 10 years that the show lasted that he was bound to have a few dud's. Here is my list of the 5 that didn't quite land.


1) "Get up"

     Chandler goes to the bathroom and comes back to find Joey sitting in his chair. After a few attempts to get Joey to move, Chandler resorts to telling Joey about the song he wrote called "Get up." This joke came out of no where, was set up by Chandler himself, and really didn't have a punch line.


2) "Hey, Kicky"

     Joey and Chandler are sleeping together on the couch when Joey starts kicking his legs trying to get comfortable. Chandler looks at Joey and says "Hey, Kicky!" I don't need to explain why this isn't that funny because Chandler basically just saw what Joey was doing and put a Y at the end of it.


3) "MY SHOE"

     Joey stumbles upon keys to someones Porsche and takes Monica's suggestion to put them in the lost and found where he finds his shoe. He then decides to leave a note on the Porsche letting him know. Chandler, making fun of the thought of anyone forgetting a shoe at a coffee shop, says to Joey, "When he comes back for his keys I'll be sure to give him your shoe."
Joey replies "Great thanks." because he didn't catch on to the joke, but can you blame him? Why would Chandler give a stranger a shoe? It just makes no sense.


4) "I'm in a tree"

     Joey finds out that Chandler got drunk and fooled around with his sister and instead of getting mad, Joey loves the idea. Joey gives him a hug and says, "You and my sister sittin' in a tree." to which Chandler replies, "Yep, I'm in a tree."
     It's possible that this one is deeper than it appears. Perhaps he was making some sort of subtle joke about hanging himself, but if that's true then it deserves to be on this list for being too subtle.


5) "Westminster Crabby

     At the Westminster Abbey.
     Joey- What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
     Chandler- I think it's great. You know they're thinking of changing the name of this place.
     Joey- Really? To what?
     Chandler- To "put the camera away."

     This joke really has nothing to it. He set himself up for a joke that didn't make any sense, and if Joey wouldn't have come back with "Man, you are Westminster crabby." then the scene probably just should have been scrapped.

     Like I said, I love Chandler. And with all the jokes he makes, five dud's really isn't that bad. In fact, he probably has a better good/bad joke ratio than most of us. And there's always a chance that some of these jokes were great in their day, but just don't translate now a days.

Bonus:

    A few weeks after I wrote this I was reminded of one of the bad Chandler jokes that I had had written down, but forgot about until now.

     Chandler obviously wants to talk about Ross and Rachel, but can't find a window, so he attempts to create one with this train-wreck of a joke when Ross arrives with a pizza.

     Did I miss any bad Chandler jokes? Do you agree with the list? Do you like chimichangas? Comment bellow, on my facebook page at Facebook.com/freewayparade or tweet me @freewayparade.